I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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