New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
