I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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