There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
