Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
