I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
