my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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