thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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