I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This baby is an asshole
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
