Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
