____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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