____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
