My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
