he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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