If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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