I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
3 2 1 whiskey
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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