Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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