We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
is it fun? or sober?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize