just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
