Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
