You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
