Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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