Define "chronic" masturbator.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
