some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Randomize
