You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
