im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
