May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
