cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
