Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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