How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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