the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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