My room smells like vodka and shame
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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