dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
