I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
