Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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