Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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