Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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