Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pants are for mortals
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
