He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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