U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
