So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
