I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
