Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
