I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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