i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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