Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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