ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
