do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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