thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
