Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
they're like a gay fantastic four
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
