I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
