I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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