he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize