This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
