I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
