so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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