clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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