I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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