the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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