my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
