I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
