she woke up with a sticky ear
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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