the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
