oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
