so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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