as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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