after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
