My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
