Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
